


come back to me

by ourvelvetscars



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean and Cas reconcile, M/M, Sam and Cas have a moment, Spoilers, post 15x03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-03 01:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21170912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ourvelvetscars/pseuds/ourvelvetscars
Summary: The 2 chapters here are not related to each other!! They stand by on their own I'm just too lazy to post it separately since they're both post 15x03 scenes, alright that's all





	1. sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> The 2 chapters here are not related to each other!! They stand by on their own I'm just too lazy to post it separately since they're both post 15x03 scenes, alright that's all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pain and grief overwhelms Castiel as he tried to move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (contains spoilers!!)  
Inspired by a tweet I saw on twitter, this is set a day after the events of 15x03. This is set in Castiel's POV.   
If I suffer, y'all suffer with me :)))

The sun rose high and mighty, peaking through the cotton clouds. Castiel didn't understand why the world was so happy and merry around him when all he felt was pain and sorrow. The broken angel glanced around before he entered his car and closed the door shut gently. He sat there- expressionless, motionless and numb all over. 

His mind drifted back to the events from last night: Rowena risking her life to save the world, Sam hurting, and Dean. Dean,  _ his _ Dean, had completely shut him down. Cas was well aware that Dean was never one for expressing his emotions, but every time Cas tried to talk to him, Dean's anger and rage overtook him. Cas knew when he was no longer needed, and this was one of those times. And he couldn't even bring himself to think about Jack. Having to burn your dead son's body to get rid of the demon possessing him? That was just too much

Cas opened his eyes, taking a deep breath in. The pain was still there like a massive weight crushing his lungs. The angel watched how the autumn leaves swayed and landed on the windshield as if in slow-motion. Last night, he got into his car and just drove. He didn't know where he had been going but he just knew that he had to keep driving. He had to keep himself busy, or else he would think about Jack or Dean- the people he loved and lost in one way or another. 

Castiel started the ignition, and the silence engulfed him. To get rid of the stillness, he turned on the music player and the familiar tune of Ramble On by Led Zeppelin blasted on. He had completely forgotten that he had left Dean's mixtape on. Dean gave Cas a mixtape as a gift once.  _ "Dean's top 13 Zepp Traxx" _ he called it. That was a much simpler time.

Cas pulled the mixtape out quickly and frantically before it continued to the next rock song. He grabbed the mixtape with such a great force that it accidentally snapped in half. 

_ "No," _ Cas whispered, staring at the 2 pieces in his hands. Cas closed his eyes, trying to focus on his breathing. He looked down again, and placed the broken mixtape on the backseat- far out of his reach and definitely out of his sight. 

Cas crossed his hands and placed them on the wheel, and then rested his head on it. He stayed in the same position for a few minutes, until his phone rang and the angel nearly jumped right out of his skin. 

He checked his phone and was relieved to see it was the younger Winchester brother. 

"Sam?" Cas answered. 

"Hey Cas, I heard about what happened. Just wanted to check that you're okay. Are you okay? Do you need anything?" Sam asked from the other end of the phone, his voice filled with concern. 

"Thank you, Sam, but I'm... I'll be okay. After everything that's happened, I need time away," Cas sighed, "Sam, I won't be returning anytime soon and I don't think it's wise for you to call me again." 

After a pause, Sam said, "if this is what you want, and if this is what feels right for you, then I'll respect your wishes. And about Dean... I'm sorry for the way he treated you." 

Cas frowned and remained silent. 

"We'll miss you, man. And you know you can always reach out to me if you ever need anything," Sam continued. 

This made Castiel smile for the first time since he left the bunker, "thank you. I hope both of you stay safe. See you, Sam." 

"Bye, Cas. Take care!" Sam said, ending the call. 

Cas turned off his phone and stared out. Sam was always good to him, and he would miss him dearly. But if he kept in touch with Sam, he would run into Dean, and he couldn't have that. He couldn't be around Dean anymore. It was over. It was best if he just cut all ties with the Winchesters, so he could move on at last. 

Castiel changed gears and started driving the car down the empty road. It would hurt for a few weeks more, maybe even months, years, but he would heal with time. It was time for Cas to start living for himself. 


	2. is it too late to apologise?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has had Castiel by his side for 10 years, but when Castiel decides its time for him to move on, how will Dean cope?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This section is written from Dean's POV and what SHOULD happen after 15x03, enjoy!

Dean watched Castiel turn his back on him and walk up the sturdy stairs. It was almost too painful to watch. Cas opened the door to exit the bunker, and Dean was still frozen into his spot. Cas said he wanted to move on and walked right out. Dean was starstruck and hadn't been expecting this at all. Cas was the one person he was so sure would stick around until the end, but Dean had broken the angel in ways that he couldn't even fathom. 

Dean waited until the door shut behind Cas, and exhaled. He couldn't move, he couldn't breathe.

After a few minutes, Dean went back to his room and bumped into Sam in the hallway.

"Hey, I heard yelling, what happened?" Sam asked concerned.

"Cas is gone."

Dean was stone cold and unable to gather his thoughts.

"What do you mean _ gone? _" Sam asked.

"He- I pushed him too far, Sam. He's gone," Dean's voice cracked.

Sam's eyes went wide. Dean didn't make any further comments, but fast-walked into his room.

He fastened the door shut, and darkness engulfed him wholly. His mind went through everything that happened. Dean closed his eyes, unable to comprehend that Cas was really gone for good this time. He had let his anger and rage overrule his head and his heart. He was blinded by his pain, and he didn't realise Cas was hurting just as much, if not more. Cas had lost his son, had to burn off Jack's body to prevent Belphegor from taking over hell. He had tried to talk, but all Dean did was drive him away. There was no going back this time. Dean let out a shaky breath and let his head fall back. 

\--

Dean woke up feeling like absolute shit. It was 5 am; you could hear a pin drop. Dean got dressed and went to the main living area, where he would usually find Cas with his head buried in a book. They would usually exchange smiles, good mornings, Cas would make him coffee, and if he was lucky, sometimes he made him breakfast too. But today was different. Cas wasn't there anymore. Dean glanced around, the silence and gloom overcoming him. He missed Cas more than anything. Dean opened his phone and flicked through his contact list, his fingers landed on Castiel's number. But he didn't dare call. 

Dean went to the kitchen, made his own coffee this time, and had leftover food from last night. He tried not to think about the way Cas always hummed a tune when he cooked, or how Cas always smelled like the morning dew. Sometimes, if he had been out and about late at night, Cas would smell like fresh Earth, refreshing and welcoming. Dean always loved watching Cas cook in the mornings- it was peaceful, and both of them enjoyed each other's company.

Sam woke up late that morning, much to Dean's surprise. 

"Hey, did you talk to Cas?" Sam asked, making his coffee. 

"We're not on speaking terms," Dean said.

Sam slammed his cup down, "Damnit, Dean. Can you please get your thick head out of your ass for a second. Cas is hurting right now. He just lost his son, and he's convinced we don't care about him. Cas is family. He's been a part of our family for a long time. Just please talk to him, and fix this." Sam was furious, and he had every right to be. 

"It's not that easy, Sam. I fucked up hard. Cas isn't just gonna let it go this time. You didn't see his face when he left. I pushed him away so much so that I broke him," Dean said quietly. 

"Which is exactly why you need to find him and apologise. You need to communicate with him! He's been more than a friend to you, this whole time, but you've been too much of an idiot to see it. I'm gonna go check for any more ghost or apocalyptic shit. You go find Cas, and bring him home before it's too late," Sam glared at his brother before he grabbed his cup, and stormed out of the room. 

Dean sighed. He went to his room, pulled out his laptop and started to track Cas's phone. Cas was only a few towns away, and not moving. He could go and try to talk, but would he listen? Dean heard Sam's voice firing off in his head, and knew that he had to try. 

\--

Dean arrived in front of the motel door, worried out of his mind. He paced back and forth before he knocked on the door. 

After a pause, the door opened. 

"Cas," Dean said, taking a long breath. Cas looked broken and exhausted with red eyes as if he had been crying all night long. 

"Dean, what are you doing here? You should go," Cas said, closing the door. Dean reached a hand out and caught the door just in time before it shut. 

"Give me 5 minutes to explain myself. That's all I ask," Dean said quickly. Cas narrowed his eyes but obliged and reopened the door. 

Dean entered to find the motel room messy. Tissues were laying on the table, bottles of beer on the floor that he didn't comment on. 

"Your 5 minutes have already started," Cas said, cold and stoic. 

Dean paced himself, "Cas, I'm sorry. I fucked up, big time. I was so blinded by my rage and grief, that I shut you out, and I became the last person I ever wanted to be. You gave me everything, you were always there for me, and you cared for me. I was stupid and big-headed, and I didn't realise how much I was hurting you. I know we can't fix this, but I just- I need you to know how fucking sorry I am." 

Dean's voice cracked, as he fought to get the words out, "I- after what happened with Chuck, it was easier to blame you for everything. It was easier to lash out at the person closest to me, and that person always happened to be you." 

Dean felt as though his whole world was caving in. Cas could see it too- the panic in Dean's voice, the way he was treading up and down, trying to use his hands to communicate, the way Dean's eyes were darting back and forth- he was nervous. He was scared. 

"Dean," Cas began, "You can't just waltz back into my life, and say a few sorries, and hope I'll come back."

"Fuck, Cas, I know! I know no matter what I say it will never be enough because I fucking broke you! This is why you should have never cared for me in the first fucking place!" Dean yelled. 

"Dean, calm down and breathe. You're going back into old habits again. Don't change your frustration into anger. Just breathe," Cas said gently. Cas knew all of Dean's habits- the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

Dean stopped pacing and closed his eyes. He didn't want to lose Cas again. He didn't want to mess this up. This was his one chance to get Cas back. 

"I'm sorry. Tell me what I can do to fix this. To earn your trust back. To get your lo- to get you back," Dean said, desperately. 

"It's not that easy, Dean."

Dean bit his lips, the tears about to snake out, "Shit, I can't lose you. I lost mom, I lost Jack, we lost Rowena, I can't lose you too." 

Cas watched Dean hurriedly wipe the tears away. The hunter avoided looking at Cas's eyes because he was scared he would fall apart there and then. 

"Dean, listen to me," Cas said, taking some steps to bridge the gap between them, "I hear you, but this is going to take time to fix, to heal. But this is the most open you've ever been with me in the past 10 years. I know how hard this was for you, and I appreciate you coming out here to try to talk to me. I don't know if we can go back to how we were before, but I'm willing to try. Our relationship has been dragged through the mud before, but we always came out strong. But I can't do this if you won't communicate with me, Dean." 

Dean inhaled, and nodded, "thank you, for literally everything." Dean fell into Cas's arms, finally letting the tears splurt out. Cas held him tightly. 

"This is the one thing Chuck can never take away from us," Cas muttered, feeling Dean hug him tighter, "do you remember what I said before? About how in this massive mess, we're real. We've always been real. Your feelings, my feelings- that's real. We always fight for each other, no matter what kind of shit Chuck puts us through." Dean nodded, burying his head deeper into Castiel's shoulder. Sometimes they didn't need to speak words to understand what the other was feeling. 

"When you love, you love fiercely, Dean Winchester. I've always admired that," Cas pulled back. He traced Dean's jawline very carefully. 

"So, we're good?" Dean asked, his voice still a bit shaky and unsure.

Cas pursed his lips, nodding, "we're good." He weaved Dean's fingers into his.

"I swear, I'll do better. I'll make it up to you, Cas, I promise," Dean said. 

Cas shrugged, with a gentle smile, "maybe you can start by taking me out for lunch? I'm getting a bit hungry over here." 

Dean's eyes lit up as he cracked a smile, "it's a date." 


End file.
